I've been noticing that there appears to be an awful lot of Martha Stewart types among us. Either that or these people are relaying "tips" that they themselves haven't mastered either.
I'm talking about all the "how to...." videos people keep posting on Facebook. You've seen them, right? Like when you're teased in with a headline that reads, "What She Does With This Will Blow Your Mind", then the video gets going showing something crazy like a lady wielding an ordinary paring knife fashioning an ordinary banana to look just like a Corvette. The rest of us wind up with something that is more in line with a lopsided canoe.
The little boys were watching a video where person-less hands were carving up a watermelon that ended up looking just like a large bouquet of roses. Mankind has come a long way. We can now substitute watermelons for flower bouquets.
And, did you know you can serve up your carrot sticks in little train cars made of hollowed out peppers with cucumber slice wheels?
It's all so clever, but I absolutely wouldn't have thought of 99% of the stuff people come up with.
Like, who knew you could cut a glass jar tidily in half with just water, oil, and the slight touch of a hot razor blade? I am not really sure when I would actually need to cut a jar into parts like that, but if I ever need to know I am now armed with a tip on how to do it. If I remember about it.
So many tips I have seen, but I forget to try. The other day when I was about to make mashed potatoes for lunch, I remembered a tip I meant to try. "Yes! Finally, I will save myself some time," I said to myself as I took my knife and made a slick cut just through the skin all the way around each potato and deposited them into my cooking pot.
I couldn't remember if I was supposed to cool the potatoes after I cooked them, but they certainly were too hot to handle otherwise, so I did (slightly). I envisioned the skins invariably popping off of those things. Was I ever disappointed. "Maybe they just need a little help," I mused. So, I began helping the potatoes out of their skins.
What I wound up doing was peeling five pounds of hot potatoes, ya'll.
I had a young helper with me that day. Dear, sweet Diane had come to help me clean house. She tried to be helpful by suggesting it might've been easier to peel the potatoes before they were cooked. Great. Not only was my experiment a dismal failure, but I appeared too dumb to know I should've peeled them while they were still cold. Stupid tip.
I am kind of interested in fixing the chip in my car windshield with another tip I saw. The guy made it look so easy. Actually, on second thought, I might be better off passing on that one if it turns out anything like the potato fiasco.
Oh, I have tips of my own I could share, but they are insignificant compared to vegetable trains and watermelon roses. I "dazzled" Diane with a trick for keeping water in my kitchen sink: an upside- down jar lid. Yup. I actually used to use a flat canning jar lid, but I always had to find a spoon to pry it out when I was done. The jar lid with the lip saves so much time. I merely just reach in and pull it up and, whoosh, the water drains.
Diane looked thoughtfully and wondered aloud why I don't just go buy a regular sink plug. She really wasn't out of line for wondering. They really aren't so expensive, and I do actually have ONE official basket strainer for ONE side of my kitchen sink, so she gathered I wasn't opposed to them for any obvious reason.
It's because my tip works so well that I never think to buy a new one. Ever.
Oh well, it is good, I suppose, that this world has so many creative people in it. Parties are so much more festive because of them. Me? I am never the one to bring the centerpiece that everyone "oohhs and aahhs" over. I might be the one washing up the dishes afterward, though; that I can do whether the sink comes equipped with a basket strainer or not....
~Colleen
P.S.
Dear Sharla,
If you are reading this, Maria read me parts of the letter you sent to her while I was driving her to work today (long story....so many people, so few vehicles....). I had to laugh. How ironic! Such has been your experience with all these "tips" out there, too, eh? The toothpaste-for-acne thing has been going around for a long time. I could've told you that didn't work about thirty years ago. lol.
Oh, and if for any reason you hear that tumeric is good for anything on your scalp, be prepared that your hair will turn orange for a while. Just thought I would mention it. Somebody has to be out here sounding the alarm about the downsides to all these tips...
